day 15 to day 31

Wow it has been a while since I posted!  I hope you didn’t think I had went a.w.o.l.  I have been quietly taking each day as it comes and somehow got to a month’s sobriety!  2 weeks ago I attended my first AA meeting in my wee village.  I am in contact with a lovely female friend who has been sober 29 years and suggested I come along.  I chickened out of going to that meeting. However,  2 Friday’s ago I was feeling really edgy and really wanting a drink.  I knew I wasn’t going to get one and I didn’t know what to do with myself at all.  I message said friend but she didn’t manage to reply.  I then messaged someone on a live chat AA thing who, of course, suggested I attend the local meeting which was starting imminently.

I braved it.  I went along and lo and behold, my friend was there, and she was was sharing that night too!  I received the warmest welcome from such a mixture of people.  I felt comfortable and safe and terrified all at the same time.  This kind of meeting is a totally alien situation to me.  I am sure it is to every person who goes through those doors for the first time.  So I went again on Friday just there.  It was a little quieter but again, a lady was sharing.  From  further afield this time.  I identified with so much of what she had to say too.  Again the welcome was warm, many people spoke to me with words of wisdom.

Some people said get to as many meetings as I can.  However as a mum of 2 kids this isn’t always easy.  For now the Friday meeting is perfect for me.  It is when I most feel the urge to drink and is helping me for now.  I find the meetings very emotionally and socially draining.  I am an introvert by heart so am not good at meeting lots and lots of new people and situations.  If I struggle I now have 3 phone numbers of ladies who will talk to me when necessary.  I have contacted one already who was helpful.

The past fortnight has had many ups and downs.  Saturday just there was particularly hard .  My husband was out with friends for the evening ( he doesn’t drink thankfully) so it was just me and the kids.  I had a few hours during which I felt the urge again very strongly.  I felt sorry for myself for not being “normal” and able to drink like other people.  I then felt despondent and felt like life wasn’t worth living pretty much.  Then a little head popped round the living room door and distracted me from those feelings I thought would never pass.  Guess what?  They passed.  I ended up at one point of my evening feeling very glad I was sober and had clarity of mind and could go to bed with no regrets plus a clear head in the morning.

I am sure over the coming time I will have more evenings like that.  For now I am trying to follow some of the advice of the AA.  I am taking each day and sometimes each hour at a time.  Trying to reach out for help when I need it.

x